Jerry and God

A man named Jerry is eating an ice cream cone in a park when God appears above him, in the form of a puffy cloud.  

God: Behold. It is I. God.

Jerry: Whoa! Are you God?

God: Yes…I just said that.

Jerry eats his ice cream cone contemplatively.

Jerry: Man this is a really big deal. Like the biggest deal. If I’m honest I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. Am I dressed okay? I knew I should have worn the pants with less stains on them. But I mean, who has the time? Am I right?

Jerry now has ice cream all over his face.

Jerry: Wait, how do I know you’re really God? You don’t look like Santa Claus. I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to look like Santa Claus.

God: Well I don’t. And I can’t appear as I really am. My normal visage is too much for your mind. Your head would explode.

Jerry: Badass! Do it!

God: No.

Jerry: Pshh. You’re not God. This is probably just me developing schizophrenia.

God: Why don’t you ask me a question if you’re still unsure of who I am? How about the meaning of life?

Jerry: What’s four thousand divided by two?

God: Two-thousand.

Jerry: Wow, you ARE God!

God: That’s not really a hard question, Jerry. Anyone could have answered that.

Jerry: Not me. I thought it was twelve.

Jerry takes a bite of the waffle cone, smearing ice cream all over his hands and face.

God: You don’t have any other questions? Like not a better one?

Jerry: Can you make ice cream cones?

God: Uh, yeah.

Jerry: Can you make ME an ice cream cone?

God: Fine.

God turns Jerry into a giant ice cream cone. God sighs. Jerry reappears holding a giant triple scoop cone. Jerry has a stunned look on his face. 

Jerry: Whoa. I disappeared into the abyss there. It was like a book by Nietzsche but without the optimism. You know? Like how he obviously wasn’t so pessimistic he didn’t think the stuff would get published.

Jerry notices the cone.

Jerry: Hey! Three scoops. Thanks floating wizard cloud!

God: (Sighs) No problem.

God continues to float and Jerry eats his ice cream cone in silence. 

About mcgettigan

Writer and reader.
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